obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
