This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
