brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
