I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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