Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
