I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
