I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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