DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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