so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
