You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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