it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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