He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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