Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
