apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize