I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
