We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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