i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
