Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
