I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize