I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
