Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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