CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
