There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I cockslap morals
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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