put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
