here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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