halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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