There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
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