I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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