i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
