I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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