Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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