Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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