I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I didn't notice because vodka
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
