Moan for me like Helen Keller
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
