She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
