Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
