Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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