Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
