that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
