i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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