Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My vagina just recognized that song.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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