DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
