Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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