and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
