i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
