took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
