somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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