dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
another moral hangover. fuck.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
