I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
