You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
