It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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