24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
