I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
