Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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