I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
