dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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