Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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