I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
