She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize