No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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