I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I will pee on everything he values.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize