he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I forget how to act sober
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
