What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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