peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
