My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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