Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
