Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
