Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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