I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
