Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
