I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
