Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
