And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
