At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
