Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ketchup is God's man juice
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
