he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
