I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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