I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
