on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
