We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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