I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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