is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
