every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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