I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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