We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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