Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think a kid would responsible me up
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize