Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
