Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
