Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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