Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
