Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
