im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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